I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
