just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
