I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
