I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
