I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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