this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
