I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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