The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize