I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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