apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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