I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
