so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize