So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
