I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
