Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize