hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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