hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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