escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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