it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
