just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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