i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
