My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize