You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
