never play flip cup with pint glasses
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
