So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
