just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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