I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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