If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
