there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
