I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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