i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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