I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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