did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
