It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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