just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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