I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
