I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This baby is an asshole
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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