Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
