He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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