Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
