seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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