so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize