I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize