does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
