I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
