we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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