If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
