i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
