Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
