So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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