make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
