please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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