very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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