ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
