why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
