dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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