turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
