I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
