i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
