Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
