I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize