i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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