I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
