it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
