did you get engaged???
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
