I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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