We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
