Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
