walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
