She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
