So drunk its hurt
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
