I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
