That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
