that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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