I CAN MOONWALK!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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