White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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