Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
