My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
