glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's blow job season.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize