my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
