u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
