I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
