My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
