the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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