Don't you send me to vm
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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