Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
