I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
