apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
