piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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