My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
