Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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