If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is Oprah even human
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize