Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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