wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
