I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
