I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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