I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
