I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
