Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
