I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
