I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
