if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I currently don't understand fingers.
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