you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
