; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
